ANXIETY, MEET BREEZY. / BEHIND THE BLOG
Over the last few months, I've really struggled with constantly feeling overwhelmed. Over the last few weeks, it's about everything. Small things, big things, and everything in-between. I love a good routine and I'm a planner to the 10th degree. I'm slightly OCD and most definitely a germaphobe. I'm intentional about checking on everyone else to make sure they're okay, when I'm trying to keep my head above water in the background. I put pressure on myself to be perfect and then wonder why I don't live up to that expectation. A lot of it has to do with who I am as a person, but the rest of it is holding myself to a standard that's simply unobtainable.
All of this self-reflection initially came about when J and I were in Mexico a few weeks ago and I found myself struggling to just relax. We needed this trip for so many different reasons and we were in a beautiful place, just the two of us. We had no plans, no responsibilities. No chores, no obligations. What should've felt perfect and serene, left me feeling like I didn't know how to function without those things.
My heart has been racing out of my chest for weeks. It feels like that heart-dropping moment when you stand up to speak in front of a crowd, but every few minutes. Because I have thyroid issues, heart palpitations are a somewhat normal side-effect of the medicine I take on a daily basis, but this has felt different. I've dealt with 'somewhat normal' for 10 years, so I know my body enough to know when it's fighting back.
Once we got back home from our trip and life was back to normal, I realized I needed to hit the pause button on a few things. Our calendar was full of endless dinner plans, coffee dates to catch up, trips simply because we had an open weekend, hosting because we love filling our home with family + friends, and social obligations. A lot of fun, little things that add up to being over-committed and leave no room for self-care.
I've allowed busyness + the pressure of thinking I can constantly be better to steal my peace. When the truth is, I need to just be.
The only way I know how to move past it is to slow down, switch gears, and open up about it. I decided to share this post for three reasons - one, because I'm so sure I'm not alone in allowing life to become overwhelming at times. Two, because I'm turning over a new leaf. And three, because I want us to hold each other accountable.
ANXIETY, MEET BREEZY.
I can't help but think of the scene in Friends where Monica leaves Richard a voicemail trying to be breezy and then Joey quickly tells her "Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that totally negates the breezy!" But, you know what - ya gotta start somewhere. With everything I do within this space, I try to pour my whole self into it. With every blog post, every caption of a photo, with every instagram story - all of it. Especially now, more than ever, I want us to be able to be real + raw with each other and hold each other accountable when we need it. For me, I'm trying to create a shift from the way I {over}think about things to my daily routine.
I'm going to wake up each morning and not reach for my phone. I'm going to make time for the little things that bring me joy like sitting outside each morning or lighting a candle at night. I'm showing myself grace. I'm going to be content when I have to say no. I'm going to live in the moment, rather than worrying about the next. I'm going to breathe deeper. I'm taking every single thing I feel anxious about and laying them at Jesus' feet. I'm going to enjoy the sunset rather than try to capture it. I'm going to put myself and my heart first, so I can be better for others.
Who's with me?
I'm so grateful for you and allowing me to have an open heart here. I love you all so much - thanks so much for stopping by.
-Meg