THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE IN-BETWEEN OF 2018 / BEHIND THE BLOG
Happy Monday, friends -
Each year around this time, I start thinking about resolutions and how I want to hold myself accountable in the coming year. Somewhere around New Years Eve, I always publish a post listing them out one by one, as well as what you can expect from me in the year to come. I've been planning and thinking about this post specifically for a few weeks, but recently, my perspective on it shifted a bit.
It's been a while since I've sat down, opened my computer, and just started to type. Personal, meaningful posts are always my favorite, but I totally understand they're not for everyone. After seven years of blogging, I absolutely love the genuine connection I've made with so many of you through FATL. Others come here each week to gain a little inspiration and don't necessarily want to go 'behind the blog' and that's perfectly okay, too. (By the way - if that's you, check back in a couple of days because this is going to be a long one!) Either way, I love letting you guys in and connecting on a deeper level than solely material things. A mentor I listen to each week recently said it best - "The clothes you wear and the products you use are a part of your life, but they're not your whole freaking life."
A few years ago, I found out about a website that basically trashes bloggers. People create screen names to hide their identities, start threads about bloggers they can't stand, and pick apart their lives little by little. Everything from a fake tan and bad teeth to how much they think they're making from blogging and what their husbands do for a living to support this ridiculous lifestyle. At one time, I (For All Things Lovely) had a thread with quite a few pages of just pure meanness. Such ugly words written about the most insignificant things to the point where I got emails (and one time even a handwritten letter in my mailbox) with women apologizing for what they said about me. Every single time I read the thread, or even one of those apologies, I was always left confused. So taken back by the fact that this was such a prevalent thing for these women. No one, especially bloggers, likes to talk about it because it simply draws attention to something that shouldn't exist in the first place. Yeas ago, I read it and checked it occasionally, vowing I would never allow it to bother me. Some of my other friends, who were also bloggers and had their own threads, were extremely upset by it. I remember one friend specifically, crying and just simply defeated by it. It was heartbreaking not only to watch, but think about how sad it is that women do this to one another. Without a doubt it's disheartening, but I always, always tried to be the encourager who told myself and everyone else - do not let this effect you. They don't know you.
Back in 2016, I wrote a blog post and for the first time, sharing a few intimate details on 'my story' - how J and I met, our rough start to dating, a few details about our family, surviving cancer at 19, and at the time, another cancer scare. After that post, this thread that had been filled with nothing but hate was suddenly silent. A few people wrote 'wow, I didn't know she had been through so much.' or 'I really hate this for her and hope she's okay'. I had to quite literally pour my heart out in a blog post about what I was struggling with for grown women to think to themselves, WOW. She's a real person after all, with real feelings. Some months later, my feed, along with a few others were randomly taken down and to this day, I haven't seen it again. I had no idea how it happened or why, I just felt like it was a God thing and called it a win.
Hold that thought and fast forward to now - 2018 almost in the rearview mirror and 2019 resolutions + goals top of mind. Business wise, this year has been somewhat new for me. It's been amazing in so many ways and so challenging in others. I remember thinking/planning at the end of last year, there are SO many bloggers now - what makes me different from everyone else? What's the reason my readers will want to come to the blog each week or continue to follow me on instagram? The best answer I could come up with was simply this: do you. At the end of last year, I wrote these bullet points in my notebook:
continue to hone in + cultivate your style.
share your home you've worked so hard for and don't want until it's perfect to do so.
always, always post what speaks to YOUR soul. It's speaking for a reason.
let people in + push boundaries; your love for writing is why you started.
say yes to travel.
be genuine over everything.
don't limit yourself - 'lifestyle' is all encompassing; decor, travel, style, recipes, gardening - do it all to the best of your ability.
After focusing on all of that throughout 2018, my blog + instagram feed has been a bit all over the place and to be honest, I love that. (Including, but not limited to - chickens.) For me, each and every one of those things has been a high of 2018. We traveled to amazing places, created @thelovelycottage to share more of our life with you, started sharing more lifestyle posts like recipes and J's crazy cleaning tips, posted a few before/afters + how to's on outdoor living, I wrote quite a few behind the blog posts similar to this, all while continuing to share every day, neutral outfits + closet staples. In my opinion, even though this year has felt a bit new + scattered, I feel like myself more than I ever have. I genuinely love each and every single thing I'm posting or promoting and to me - that's what it's all about. That's what it's always been about.
On that same note, 2018 also came with a few lows. This was the year for the big instagram algorythm shift. There are more (probably better, even) bloggers than ever before, making it harder for your content/posts to be seen by your followers or brands to recognize you. Being an influencer is something that is so public. Not only are you putting your life out there for the world to see + let's be honest - critique, how well you're doing is also extremely visible. Likes, comments, views, stats, engagement - it's all out there for everyone to see. I've never been more discouraged in this business as I have been this year. Other than J, I'm a one woman show and I've had to continually motivate myself. It's really hard to pour so much time + energy into creating something that ultimately doesn't succeed. And everyone knows it. To be completely honest, I've posted less and let that outlook weigh me down more times than I'd like to admit. In the past seven years, the game has changed. Some days, I'm not even totally sure it's even the same sport anymore. However, throughout the entire year, I've had the resounding 'do you' reminder in my ear and I've tried so hard to be intentional about a healthy balance of posting what I love, all while continuing to engage you guys and post what you want to see.
All of this background from years ago and highs + lows of 2018 leads to now. On the same day that I started to write this post, it was brought to my attention that my long-lost thread on this 'bashing bloggers website' was alive and well again. While we're just putting it all out there, here are a few verbatim highlights:
- her engagement is really low. like three times lower than other bloggers with a similar following.
- I think she's super boring and brings nothing to the blogging world.
- I don't even pay attention to her photos or stories because they're always about chickens + plants.
- her brand makes zero sense.
- you can't appeal to people and only post luxury brands.
- she's not very responsive to have such a small following/engagement.
- it's all just a blur between her fake tan and dark clothing.
- what did this girl do? she used to be all bright and bubbly and girly.
- everything is so dark + editorial and it doesn't suit her at all. I think she thought she would grow a lot more if she went in that direction and it's biting her in the ass.
- she seems inauthentic and quite frankly it's just boring to look at - such a snooze fest.
- all she does is talk about weird plants + chickens while wearing 4K worth of clothes.
- I have no interest in carrying a Chanel in one hand and a chicken in the other and I can't image anyone else does either.
Mic drop, right? Please know my heart when I say I am not sharing any of this to get the sympathy vote. I'm simply letting you in on how crushed I felt when I read all of this. All of the worst things you think about yourself or your business, listed out in black and white for you. And to know that years later, we're back here. When you think you're doing all you can to stay above water and be your most genuine self who simply loves the crap out of everything, even that just doesn't work sometimes. I could sit here and reply/argue each and every one of those comments, but I won't. I want to focus less on the negativity and more on the bigger picture of why I even wanted to share all of this. In my opinion, reflection is everything. It allows you to learn lessons and analyze what works and what doesn't. I've done a lot of that in 2018, professionally and personally, and I couldn't wrap up my year without doing it. The good, the bad, (in this case the ugly), and everything in-between.
My point for this entire post is this: one, a reminder to simply show people love. Around the holidays, after the new year, always. You never know what someone is going through. And you shouldn't have to. I always say - no harm can ever come from loving people well. These people don't know me and have zero reason to show me love or grace, but I was raised to give those things away freely - even to strangers. Supporting other women has always been a priority to me, especially now and in the business I'm in. When I read the last bullet point "I have no interest in carrying a Chanel in one hand and a chicken in the other" it reminded me of the quote from Sex & the City where Miranda and Carrie are looking for a Halloween costume (you know, right before they spot THE Vogue issue). Miranda says, while looking for a costume "The only two choices for women: witch and sexy kitten." Carrie replies with "Oh, you just said a mouthful there sister!" (Sidenote, everything in life reminds me of a FRIENDS line or Sex & the City, so sorry about that.) But seriously, even when it comes to two drastically different things - why would it ever have to be one or the other? Why can't a girl love her chicken and a Chanel bag she worked ridiculously hard to get? And what gives you the right to judge her for any of it? We are so, so responsible for lifting each other up. On good days, bad days - moments when we're feeling insecure or moments when we feel on top of the world - always. Open your arms + your heart to people - I promise it's such a better way to live. We make loving people a lot more complicated than Jesus did. (And yes, I did just go from Sex & the City to Jesus - welcome to Meg Runion's brain.)
Two - Lastly and finally, what you can expect from me in 2019 - I'm always going to do me. What you see is what you get, always. And I'm proud of that. The girl you see on instagram is the same there as she is with her best friends. So my style has changed over the past 5 years? Who cares? So have I. So my engagement is terrible sometimes? Oh well. I refuse to sell myself short by paying for likes, comments, or followers simply to look better. I have never + will never and I sleep really well at night with that assurance. Plus, it gives me such a swift, humble kick-in-the-butt and makes me beyond thankful for the genuine community I have cultivated over the years.
I promise to continue to be a real person. One with real feelings, emotions, and struggles that you can relate to. Although I always want FATL to be a happy place - full of chic outfits and daily inspiration, I'm also human enough to know that's not what life is all about. So we might as well embrace it all together.
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So whether you've been following along for the last 7 years or for the last 7 minutes while reading this - welcome to For All Things Lovely {almost} 2019.
Anyone who really knows me (which let's be serious, we're all there by now, right?) calls me Meg and I'm the editor behind this beautifully imperfect Lifestyle blog. I'm married to the love of my life, J RUN, we live in a small house we like to call the lovely cottage, and we have 2 pups + 6 chickens. I throw on neutral, basic, closet staples every day and call it fashion, the only way I get through life is with a planner, I'm a born again, saved by grace, Jesus lover, planting + working in our yard is good for my soul, I want some sort of sauce on everything I eat, I love hard and will do anything for my tribe, I'm happiest by the water - always, vintage over new any day, county music is my life, something new for my home (big or small) makes my entire week, there's nothing better than popping a bottle of Veuve Clicquot - I celebrate everything, and I'm so, so grateful to wake up every day and work really hard at my dream job.
W E L C O M E - it's going to be a fun, new year!
Love you all -
MEG