J & MEG: MARRIAGE // NO. 1

We are SO excited to start this series on marriage with you guys!  We definitely don't have all the answers, but we have seen + experienced a lot in the last eight years and we're stoked to open up and share a different side of US with you.  When we threw out a poll to see who and how many of you were interested in diving a bit deeper with us, the response completely overwhelmed us.  From comments and direct messages to emails and text messages, it was clear this was the next step and we're so grateful to start this journey with you.  For now, this is how it's going to go - separately, we'll answer one question per month and we're not discussing or reviewing our answers with each other prior to writing them.  We want you to get a personal, genuine response from both a his and her side.  If this series continues to evolve, we hope to transition into our very first Podcast after the new year, so definitely continue to give us your feedback!

The number one question we received and a great place to start the series off is 'how did we know each other was THE ONE?'

MEG: For me, my answer to this question consists of two things: how J made me feel and how I felt around him.  For starters, I was only 19 when we met and later that year got engaged, so I needed to feel taken care of.  From the beginning, J showed me love in so many different ways.  Little things like every time we would simply hold hands, he would not only hold, but rub my hand.  I remember feeling like he was so attentive just from that small gesture.  Like he didn't just want the normal, he wanted me to feel how much I was loved.  Then onto bigger things like always making sure my car had a full tank of gas, always leaving me hidden notes throughout the day, driving to my house at night after working two jobs that day simply to see me for 20 minutes.  And my favorite memory of all - when life took a turn and I was in the hospital for a few days, he stayed by my side every minute.  Even at 19, while we were dating and when that job still belonged to my parents and not him, he never left.  Not for a second.  I remember my mom even telling him to please go home and not feel like he had to stay.  And that's just it - he never felt like he had to, he just wanted to.  I truly believe that feeling 'taken care of' by your spouse ultimately comes down to trust.  At the end of the day, that's what you're doing - putting your life into someone's hands and trusting they'll always make you feel wanted, satisfied, important, and taken care of.  That level of comfort is everything.  

Secondly, how I felt every time I was around J was a major thing for me.  In the beginning and because I was so young, I didn't really know how to reciprocate the kind of love J was pouring out to me.  I grew up in a normal, loving home where my constantly parents showered so much love onto us, but we didn't always see that between them.  So for the most part, this was a new concept to me.  And at 19-20 years old, the thought of becoming a wife was scary for sure, but because of the love I felt from J, I always wanted to reciprocate times a million.  The whole can't eat, can't sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, world series kind of stuff can be so cliché (any 'It Takes Two lovers out there? ...Bueller...), but when I was around him, I wanted to be better.  Know more.  Love him hard.  Without ever pushing me to do so, he made me WANT to be a better person.  Always strive to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, but when it comes to your spouse - someone who also brings out the magic in you.  Between the two, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to spend my life with him.  Figure the hard things out with him.  Start a family with him.  He made me want better, want more, and most of all, want him.  He was and still is the one - and that's how I know.

J: How did I know Megan was the one? 

Everyone says, “when you know, you know”, and I think that is not necessarily accurate.  I can remember the very first time I laid eyes on Meg.  I can remember where we were, what she was wearing, and what she said that made me laugh.  In my opinion, this is something that distinguishes “the one” vs. everyone else - lasting impressions.  Meg left such a lasting impression on me that day and every single encounter after.  Before I knew it, she was virtually all I could think about.  I would go to work and she would occupy my mind to the point of distraction.  This is how I knew I had to pursue her; I couldn’t wait around for someone else to beat me to what turned out to be the greatest decision of my life.   We dated briefly before our engagement, and looking back, many of our friends and family encouraged us to take our time, and not get married while we were 12 (please insert sarcasm here).  I believe we were different than most of our peers simply due to the amount of LIFE that was thrown at us at an early age.  Between divorce, a positive cancer diagnosis and treatment at the age of 19,  siblings in fatal stages of addiction, its safe to say we dealt with a lot of “life” very early on.  I believe it was the way we chose to support one another and grow together during difficult times that showed us who we really were, and that we were better together.  Every single day since, we have chosen to grow together in everything we do.  I am not trying to paint the picture that we are so codependent that we cannot function unless we are together, but the point is, we just don’t want to.  I want to experience everything for the first time with her, laugh with her, and make so many memories that our inside jokes sound like a foreign language to the general public.  I don’t believe in soulmates, I believe that you wake up everyday and choose your spouse.  Many people say marriage shouldn’t be “work”.  I am sorry to burst any bubbles here, but if you do not work for it, it’s not worth it. Thats the secret people… I will work every single day to make sure Megan Runion knows I love her, appreciate her, respect her, and place her happiness above mine - always.  

How do you know if your someone is the one?  I would ask myself: Do I truly respect and appreciate him/her? Am I willing to grow with him/her? Would I be willing to share every new experience with him/her, not out of necessity, but out of desire? Could I laugh with him/her every single day?  When you let down your guard, and show him/her every one of your insecurities, do they love you and support you through it?  If you can say yes to all of these, I think you can get through anything life throws at you. 

Dr. Phill signing off, talk soon. -J

Thank you so much for reading.  Like I mentioned above, we would love to turn this into a video series and/or Podcast after the new year, so hang in there with us while we attempt to translate our feelings + emotions through writing.  We so appreciate your feedback and can't wait to share more! 

x.