Behind the Blog + Life Updates

{full post HERE}

Good morning, lovelies and happy Friday!

I wanted to share something a little different today, on a more personal level.  My heart is actually racing right now as I type this post for so many different reasons.  One, I typically stay pretty neutral on here {quite literally} and don't dive too deep into personal issues.  I'm fully aware of the fact that this is a fashion blog and not a 'pour my life story out to you blog'.  There are those of you who genuinely care about the person behind the computer, working tirelessly to create the best content possible.  Then you have others who simply come here each day for style inspiration and outfit ideas and that's perfectly ok, too.  Then there are the people who will tear this post apart, sentence by sentence, and write ugly things about it on various online forums.  All in all, that's what makes it so difficult to open up and draw attention to anything that's going on in my personal life.  So I debated over and over about whether or not I wanted to share this with you guys and ultimately decided that I don't want to leave the 'lifestyle' portion out of my blog.  For years now, my 'About Me' page has said: "I want For All Things Lovely to be a place where you can find a little sparkle and leave inspired to see the beauty in every aspect of your life.  I believe in celebrating life and all the chaos that comes with it, every single day." At the end of the day, I want my blog to be a genuine reflection of who I am, chaos and all.

A lot of you may not know the story of how John and I met.  I won't bore you with ALL of the details, but hitting on a few highlights will help serve as a background information for why I'm even sharing this with you.  In 2008, at just 19 years old and one year after I graduated high school, John and I starting dating.  Little did I know when we went on that amazing first date, that I would need him by my side for the next few months, more than I've ever needed anyone.  One month later, my parents went through a really bad divorce.  Really bad doesn't even start to cover it.  It was the hardest thing to this day I've ever been through.  I know so many kids and adults have watched their parents separate and move on, but this one was different.  When you think you have the perfect, cookie-cutter family your entire life, and one day that blows up in your face, that's hard no matter what age you are.  But nonetheless, J was there for me through each and every second of it.  Long days, even longer nights, and more tears than I ever thought was humanly possible.  

One month later in early March, I had a random lump appear on my neck.  It was a little larger than marble sized, and continued to grow at a fast pace.  Of course, I went straight to my family doctor, who then sent me to an endocrinology specialist.  After a few tests and three short weeks, I received a phone call telling me I had thyroid cancer and they needed to schedule surgery as quickly as possible.  My heart dropped to my feet.  Of course.  I mean, no one EVER wants to hear the "C" word, but I was 19 and as healthy as could be.  At the time, the worst sickness I had ever dealt with was the flu.  So many questions starting running through my head - "How did this happen?"  "What did I do?"  "What does this mean?"  At 19, you're technically considered an adult (even though you're not), and with everything that was happening, I was beginning to feel like one more and more.

A couple of tough months went by and on July 12, 2008, I had surgery to remove my thyroid and two lymph nodes that the cancer had spread to.  With everything that was going on behind the scenes, my family put everything else aside and I had the best support system you can imagine.  (I was still living at home at this time, with just my mom and my little brother.)  Over the past five months that John and I had been together - to say he dealt with a lot is a HUGE understatement.  He stayed by my hospital bed each night, went to every appointment possible, and took care of me as if I was his responsibility.  After completing radiation, and more doctor appointments that I can count, I was finally on the road to recovery.  When I shared our 5th and 6th anniversary dates (here and on social media) a few of you have commented and asked how old I was when I got married or why I would do something like that so young.  I've never felt like I needed to share the story, because it was simply what worked for us, but John and I inevitably grew up a little faster than some of our peers, and we embraced each and every moment of it together.  

Fast forward to November 2008; John and I were engaged and I was over the moon exited.  We were married eleven months later on October 17, 2009 when I was 20 years old and John was 21.  We bought an older home together and spent every waking moment fixing it up.  We would go to work each day, come home and work on our house.  It's one of my favorite times in our lives to reflect on - we literally had NO idea what we were doing, yet somehow it worked.   Until 2013, I had to go back to the doctor every 6 months for scans, tests, and updates and in July of that year (5 years later), I was officially declared cancer free!  Let me tell you, there's no better feeling in the world! All of that history, leads to now.  

About 3 months ago, I felt a noticeable lump in my right breast.  (I recently watched my mom go through breast cancer, which ultimately ended in a double mastectomy.  After seeing that process firsthand, it's a little daunting.  That's a hard, hard thing to go through and I admire her so much for handling each day with so much grace and positivity.)  So, I immediately went to J for assurance that I wasn't crazy, and then my mom since she was familiar.  I made an appointment with my gynecologist, fully expecting her to tell me that everything felt normal and we would keep an eye on it.  Instead, she acknowledged that it was in fact something that needed attention, and scheduled me for a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy.  I came home that day and cried in John's arms for hours.  My heart was literally breaking knowing that I couldn't go through all of that again.  At 19, you're just finding out and learning what all of those crazy terms and big words mean, but at 26, I am much more aware of what 'sending you for tests' means.  Of course, J being the levelheaded, encouraging, love of my life that he is, calmed me down and assured me that we would find a way to get through this, yet again.  

Over the last few weeks, I've done everything the doctors have asked and unfortunately each of those tests have come back inconclusive.  At this point, they're unsure what the lump is - it could be nothing (obviously our prayer) or it could be something that needs more attention.  Because they can't tell if the lump is cancerous or not, there's really only one thing we can do.  So, in two weeks, I'll be having a lumpectomy at a hospital here in Greenville to remove it.  Luckily, this surgery is outpatient and won't be nearly as severe as my previous, but the outcome is what we're looking forward to.  A few short days after my surgery, we should know the results.  Either way, I wanted to let you guys in on what's going on in my life.  With that, I encourage everyone reading this post to be aware of breast heath, and make sure you are giving yourself in-home exams every month.  I've become quickly aware of just how important early detection is, and I hope I can encourage others to be proactive with breast health.  

I've always struggled with the whole 'real world vs. blogging' thing, but specifically in the last couple of months.  I'm leaving doctors appointments and curling up on the couch in tears, so overwhelmed,  but you'd never know it.  That's why I decided to share this with you all.  I've come to the conclusion that letting you guys in is only allowing you to see that everyone has their own issues.  Blog life/social media can be totally misleading.  Don't get me wrong, I'm just as envious of these women who lead what seems to be a perfect life, but behind all of those hard-working, beautiful women are every day people with every day problems of their own.  I am so thankful for the strength that we gain with every struggle, and I know that God uses every situation to make us better.  And looking back on the last 7 years, I wouldn't change a thing.  Each and every paragraph above has taught me lifelong lessons, cultivated the amazing marriage John and I share, and ultimately made me the person I am today.

Thank you all for not only coming back to my little space of the internet each day, but for reading this post.  I hope that through letting you in 'behind the blog', we can connect on a deeper level than just material things.  I'm beyond grateful to be able to live out my dreams every day through something I'm so passionate about and none of that would be possible with you guys.  I'll be sure to keep you  updated throughout next couple of weeks and would appreciate your thoughts and prayers more than you'll ever know!

Have a lovely weekend!  xx.