WHOLEHEARTED | DEAR BABY BOYS.
TO MY BABY BOYS,
The last eight months of carrying + growing you have stretched me in every way possible. Physically, mentally, and emotionally – you’ve already changed everything for the better. From my perspective to my capacity and the grace I wake up with each morning. Mentally, you’ve found a way to soften the hard. Emotionally, you’ve forced me to go deeper and explore parts of myself that I didn’t even know existed. Physically, with every movement, every kick, you’ve reminded me of my strength when I’ve felt like I have nothing else to give. Acknowledging the heavy that has come with this season is inevitable, but a load I’d happily bare time and time again. I’ve learned that on the other side of fear – there’s so much love. So much resilience and assurance. It’s when we can’t stretch any more that all of those thin, slightly pulled apart layers let the light in. That light is the two of you.
Throughout the last few months, I felt every emotion possible. My heart strings have been tugged on day after day and my spirit has been broken, then rejuvenated when I’ve needed it most. Thankfully, God gives us people to do life with in every season. To celebrate the highs and walk through the lows – it’s a perfect example of His love for us. Each and every one of those people already love you two so much. You’ve been so prayed for, so fully embraced since the moment they all knew you existed and even on days when I couldn’t, it’s those people that grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Assuring me that this is supposed to be our story and reminding me how capable I am. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is, somehow, it all unfolds the way it’s supposed to. There’s no way I could’ve planned for three babies in three years, but I know one thing to be true – it’s my greatest role yet.
There are so many things I want you to know, so many people I can’t wait for you to meet, and so much of this world I can’t wait to show you. But for now, we’ll start with bringing you home to this perfectly, imperfect place that brings us so much peace. It’s cozy, full of ease, and bursting out of the seams with so much love – just waiting on the pitter-patter of your little feet to complete it.
One of the greatest gifts I’ll ever be able to give you is your dad. He’s one in a million. He’s strong when needed, tender when necessary, and he will love you unconditionally. Watching him with Linen these last two years has healed my heart in so many ways. He’ll teach you to cut the grass, hang a light fixture, take care of our chickens, and take pride in what you’ve been given. There’s nothing the man can’t do. But most of all, he’ll teach you how to be a gentlemen, carry your hard on his shoulders without a second thought, take care of people’s hearts – specifically the women you’ll choose to spend your lives with one day, and that love is an action. There’s no doubt in my mind that the Lord is giving him the two of you because we need more men in the world like him. I promise you, you can count on him for anything, always. He’s trustworthy, steadfast, and he’ll always choose you.
Your sister – she has been my heartbeat for the last two years. Linen changed our world in the best way and made me the mother that I now get to be to you. She has the biggest heart and I know without a doubt that she will run towards the two of you with open arms. She’s only two, but I can promise you, from today and throughout all of life, you can trust her intuition. She gravitates towards people who have the same heart as us and her boundaries are spot on. She’s strong willed, but soft hearted and I can’t wait to see the way she loves you. Last night, she and I were in the bathtub together and she told me she wanted to wash the babies. As she held out her little hands and I filled them with soap, she rubbed her hands together, lathering every inch of my belly. She was so focused and so intentional about getting it right – like she already feels connected to you both in a way that even I can’t understand. It was such a simple, innocent thing, but it brought her so much joy. It reminded me of Jesus washing the disciples feet as an example of love in its purest form. I hope you three always feel that from each other – to be fully known and fully loved as you do life together.
You both are so meant to be and I cannot wait to fall more and more in love with you. With every fear, every anxiety of navigating this new season, it’s all covered in so much assurance that my heart has the capacity to triple. If there’s one thing I know I can do well, it’s love without limits. I can almost always find the light within those pulled apart layers. I promise you, even if there are days that my all doesn’t feel like enough, I will still give you everything I have. On days when the bliss turns to brutal, I’ll love you through it. Your dad and I will always put each other first so we can be sturdy for the three of you. I’ll carry the weight of any burden, any hardship you endure. If there’s one word I want you to feel in your bones from us – it’s trust. I promise, we’ll always be a safe place to run to, a hideaway when you need to escape. We’ll meet you where you are, time and time again, throughout every stage and season of life. The four walls of our home will always be a place where you can find rest. We’ll be present, make endless memories together, and we’ll always make the small things feel big. At the end of the day, that’s what matters.
You both are so fearfully and wonderfully made and I’ve prayed over you immensely since the moment I knew you existed. I can’t wait to see what you look like, hold you in my arms, and simply feel how your presence changes our lives. We’re ready when you are, my baby boys.